Big News: We’re Having a…

The Power of Now by Julie Blackmon: Homegrown in  New York Magazine


Sorry if that admittedly tricky title got you excited (Mom), but we have to talk about this article in New York Magazine and this piece on Slate. If you’re short on time maybe just read this article on Jezebel, which sums them both up.

Baby Toss Julia Blackmon

It’s about how couples that are undecided about having a baby — dubbed “pregnancy ambivalent” — are deciding on whether they’re going to have a baby or not.

They’re relying on a birth control method. Can you guess which one? They’re using…drum roll please…

julie blackmon,pregnancy ambivilance

The pullout method.

Yes, you heard that right. Planned unplanned pregnancies.

Crazy, right! Or is it?

A friend recently confessed that is how she and her husband found themselves with a bun in the oven. The husband was into the idea of children, she wasn’t so much; but they weren’t actively preventing it. And voila, a baby is born.

When I told FB that I actually didn’t think it was that crazy, I thought his brain might explode. Okay, I told him so I could watch his brain explode (this is what childfree couples do for fun!).

It’s admittedly super illogical. But the truth is that it is incredibly hard to make an active decision to change your life (i.e. have a baby). So when a decision is tough like that you might think, well if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be and leave it up to fate.

Of course, in actuality you are helping that maybe become a baby. But the idea is Hey if it happens, okay I’m sure we’ll love it, but if not, that’s great too and obviously wasn’t meant to be.

Clearly, those who value logic, science and control will likely think THIS IS NUTS. While those that lean toward the more romantic, believing in signs from the universe and such, might think, That’s not so crazy.

julie blackmon homegrown Patio

While we’ve been called Generation Me, I think a more accurate moniker might be Generation I Dunno.

We are lucky in that we live in a time when we are spoiled for choice and endless opportunities and ways in which to live our lives abound (kids, no kids; stateside, abroad; corporate ladder climber, entrepreneur; iPhone, Samsung; just trying to place an order at Starbucks can be overwhelming).

But the truth is – and science confirms this – is that more options make it harder to make a decision. And when you compound that with social media, where you are (willingly) constantly flooded with seeing how others live (high school friends on Facebook, idols on Instagram and Pinterest), it causes you to constantly question whether you are making the right decision. The perfect decision.

birds at home julie blackmon homegrown

If Pinterest and Instagram have taught us anything, it’s that perfection is rewarded — the perfectly edited photo with bright light and a white backdrop will get you more likes, and therefore validation, than if you post a messy, real photo. And unless you can Facetune your real, living, breathing life, perfection is futile. Perfection leads to indecision. How are you supposed to choose whether to go for it when you can barely decide if you want whip or no whip on that venti non-fat frapp half-caff soy latte with caramel drizzle? So leave it up to the universe… Or your barista.



What do you think: Totally crazy? Or you could kind of see it?

p.s. The above articles are actually from a year ago, but somehow popped up in my life, probably because Facebook knows everything.

Photos by Julie Blackmon in her new book Julie Blackmon: Homegrown 

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8 thoughts on “Big News: We’re Having a…

  1. Liz

    One of my children was born under the theory that ‘if it happens… it happens, and if it doesn’t… it doesn’t’….and it worked out wonderfully!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. suwanneerose

    I’m waiting for overwhelming desire and it hasn’t hit. I can’t leave it to chance (like FB). Most of our friends and family don’t understand why we aren’t having kids, but my husband and I are just so happy the way things are. But I’m always doubting myself. It’s a tough one, Kelly. I suggest you float around on that swan and ponder some more.

  3. Rossmore.

    Love this article Kelly!! …Why do yall think gambling is so popular!?! Because it’s fun! I say, get spicey; roll the dice !!!!⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️


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